i just don’t get it. i don’t get how we can still make each other happy when we are the way we are. i don’t understand how we can laugh and laugh until our sides ache but then i find myself falling apart. how you find yourself falling apart. i don’t understand that when i’m curled up crying i don’t text you. i don’t call you. because i’ve come to understand that you won’t answer. you don’t need to answer. you say that your phone died or that you asleep. i day it’s ok. and i sound mistrustful but that is because my trust has been shattered so many times that it’s barely there. and i sound clingy but when i feel jagged edges of all my insecurities breaking through my skin, i want you. and if i hadn’t convinced myself years ago that i didn’t need anyone but myself, i would say that i need you. i know you are tired of me hot and cold. i know you are tired of how I’m just not the same girl you met in that french class with your green dress and jacket. and you know what? i’m tired too. i’m tired of the nights i spend without sleep and the days i spend building people up while i’m breaking. on Monday things will be normal again. we will ignore the message i sent and we will ignore the underlying truth that you are leaving me. and i am leaving you. and it scares me so so much to think that out of all the people i have met, i think you could be the one i need. but we both know you don’t need me. we don’t have long conversations anymore. you’re too busy. we don’t sent pictures with funny captions or attempt to plan anymore. i think deep deep inside we both know that our friendship has become a habit and we just don’t care enough to break it. you didn’t steal my skittles anymore, that’s not how the story goes. i gave you a piece of my heart willingly, but now i want it back. we both know i’m selfish.
Tag: girl
i say i need time to all my friends
i know they won’t miss me anyway
because i can already picture me gone
and them without me one day
she left again just yesterday
said this time it’s gonna be longer
and i know better than to ask
if i can go with her.
this city just isn’t for us
she told me one night
i want to be back in that old town
where we couldn’t see the city light.
she doesn’t ask me to come along
and i don’t ever ask her to stay
because together we only hurt
so maybe it is better this way.
witch
swirl your pencil like a broom
and write your magic spells
isolation became my friend, as i wove spells with graphite. all my life i was told, witches burn by firelight.
don’t listen to what they say
gathering together a witches hunt
hiding in silence stuffy and stiff, i heard the crowds pass by. i could tell them i wasn’t a witch but that would be a lie.
stir the pot carefully
don’t let it boil over
the first spell i ever brewed, was a casted charm of invisibility. but i’ve gone too long without writing, so now they’re gonna catch me.
i was branded with a witch’s mark
for casting a spell on him
i never wrote a spell for him, he fell all on his own. but for all the witch hunters, i was destined to me alone.
one less witch
one more light in the world
stories never told how i gave in willingly, realizing the differences i had wanted to make, could be made by just being me.
they gave my ashes to the king
and claimed that the witch had burned
but the stake was empty that day
because as a witch i burned up from the inside out
(unwritten spells are magic of their own)
until the fire was afriad of me
they
they-the monsters inside of my head
for faith, i will always believe that you are now one of my better angels
i told them i was afraid of the dark
they said to turn on a light
i told them i was always so angry
they said to get into a fight.
i told them boys wanted things
they said to give them parts of me
i said i was always resiting
they said to give in willingly.
i told them i was sick of living
they asked why live at all
i told them i was at the edge of a building
they asked why not fall.
mermaids
(for the girl who used to wonder if bathtubs were deep enough to drown in)
there used to be mermaids in the world
until hate fished them all out
luminous girls with iridescent tails
growing legs because of doubt.
but what no one tells you about mermaids is
without water they will not survive
so all the landlocked mermaids
are struggling to stay alive.
all these used to be mermaids
try to drown themselves in bathtubs
sneaking out with true land people
to guzzle liquor at the clubs.
if you ever meet an unhappy girl
remember what she could be
because almost all sad girls are
tailess mermaids from the sea
i had my first kiss at eight years old
(he tasted like the lemonade he’d had with lunch)
and i
with muddy shins and splattered shorts
my hair sticking out in a disrray
i (he told me)
tasted like tuna
–he was my best friend after he was my first love
red riding hood’s warning
dearest girl don’t trust
boys with sharp eyes masked with slewed questions of mock stupidity
who smile with teeth so bright they mask the fangs
peeking above the horizon of their lips in a faux snarl
and say your name like it is a casual thing to come and go
just one of million to rumble up from their cavernous chests
where their heart is expected to rest
but these kinds of boys have long since turned heartless
an immortal evolutionary adaption Darwin himself could not find the answer to
because these boys are turned more wolf than man
but hide it with the sly superiority of alpha confidence
and let it peek through with the animalistic gleam in their eyes
when full white smiles like that of the full moon
are present on the faces of the girls whose names are spoken
with the casual authority of these boys with fangs tucked neatly
inside the flesh of their lips
and dearest I warn you to never trust boys with honeyed words
that are shadowed with the ashy residue of anger
and the sly smirk of known wittiness
for they are armed with fangs and claws
just waiting to devour you
dai 