i remember a conversation from when i was younger. i was asked what i looked for in someone. you see, i told them that i look for the qualities of a best friend. now that i look back on that conversation, i wonder why i wanted to fall in love with a best friend. because now that i have, i want it to go away.

they call it FALLING in love for a reason, don’t they?

for me at least, it’s a cruel experience to fall in love with my best friend. i’m sure a lot of people would relate to this since of course i’m not the only person who’s been in this situation. but i wonder.

i love his smile, and his laugh. i love the way his voice gets higher when he’s laughing through his sentence. i love how he constantly says his funny jokes even though it’s not an appropriate time to say them. i love that he’s so passionate about his hobbies. i love that he’s so respectful and kind towards others. i love everything about him. from every flaw that people hate to every single best quality he’s ever had. sure he’s made mistakes, but we all do. i don’t mind if his past is a little marked up, mine is as well. i don’t really care.

he is my best friend. my closest guy friend. he’s seen me at my best but also at my worst. i remember every little detail of his response to my confession. i remember the heartbreak. but i remember the relief i had when he said it wouldn’t mess up our friendship.

it hasn’t messed up our friendship yet, thank god. but it’s messed up me. my mind. my emotions. i love him. im in love with him to the point where i’m drowning in it. i’m drowning in the love that i have for him. and while i wish i could stop, my heart seems to believe that theres still a chance for me here.

i miss you \ but i still go shopping \ i miss you \ but i still write \ and i miss you \ but i know that missing you \ shouldn’t consume me \ because together we lived beautifully \ and apart  we carry that beauty \ inside of our chests \ and i can’t live \ without missing you \ because you are one of the most beautiful things \ that has ever happened to me \ you made me not have any birthday wishes \ and you \ are such a wonderous thing \ that i could spend hours \ just missing you \ but i don’t \ because  you taught me that living \ isn’t thinking constantly \ but loving constantly \ and i can love you forever \ and still live

it’s not all sunshine and rainbows like it was when we were all but children. it’s dark and mysterious. you hear ominous footsteps in several pitches and consistencies. you never know what’s around that corner or behind that tree. maybe it’s a pitfall? or maybe it’s the portal to a better, much happier place.

we never know what’s lurking in the dark so be careful, and become the bad girl you were raised to be.

grey

it’s been a while \ since i’ve seen her last \ and i expected \ all to be the same \ but her face is different / no lively color highlighting her cheeks / and her mother / notices my glance / can only offer / a sad smile / because / where is the girl / who buys movie theater popcorn / and doesn’t even watch the film / and the girl who uses / k instead of c / in every book report she writes / and somehow i didn’t think / that the world could reach her / from in the dark corners / where she never was / but i think maybe / that is the greatest lie we tell ourselves:/ we are but safe / as long as we avoid the darkness / but i ask / what if the darkness / has been inside of you / all along?

Posted in mw

take care

poetry//novels//anime//gaming//baking

oh how sweet those little things are

oh how bubbly she is when she talks to you

oh how stupid is he to not talk to her anymore

oh how red her face turns from laughing

because of your jokes.

—————–

you, please never leave her like he did.

please take care of her warm and gentle soul

that she always says she never has

you don’t have to date her,

just be there for her.