i remember a conversation from when i was younger. i was asked what i looked for in someone. you see, i told them that i look for the qualities of a best friend. now that i look back on that conversation, i wonder why i wanted to fall in love with a best friend. because now that i have, i want it to go away.

they call it FALLING in love for a reason, don’t they?

for me at least, it’s a cruel experience to fall in love with my best friend. i’m sure a lot of people would relate to this since of course i’m not the only person who’s been in this situation. but i wonder.

i love his smile, and his laugh. i love the way his voice gets higher when he’s laughing through his sentence. i love how he constantly says his funny jokes even though it’s not an appropriate time to say them. i love that he’s so passionate about his hobbies. i love that he’s so respectful and kind towards others. i love everything about him. from every flaw that people hate to every single best quality he’s ever had. sure he’s made mistakes, but we all do. i don’t mind if his past is a little marked up, mine is as well. i don’t really care.

he is my best friend. my closest guy friend. he’s seen me at my best but also at my worst. i remember every little detail of his response to my confession. i remember the heartbreak. but i remember the relief i had when he said it wouldn’t mess up our friendship.

it hasn’t messed up our friendship yet, thank god. but it’s messed up me. my mind. my emotions. i love him. im in love with him to the point where i’m drowning in it. i’m drowning in the love that i have for him. and while i wish i could stop, my heart seems to believe that theres still a chance for me here.

superman

for drew

 

he sits alone before class starts

his eyes looking so bleak

but as a man he can’t show his sadness

or else he’ll be labeled as weak.

 

he does classwork quick

but never the best he can

because he can’t seem too smart

for he is a man.

 

at home his father raises a hand

tells him to man up and take it

and if he turns to walk away

the harder the hit.

 

since elementary he’s been told

the rules on how to be a man

but no matter what he does

he is always less than.

 

he doesn’t understand why

men are labeled by society

supposed to be strong and brave

and without anxiety.

 

he’s sick of being dehumanized

to a man of steel

because out of all the expectations for superman

none of them are real.

 

real men hurt and cry

real men feel fear and can be smart

and he believes he is a man

all because of his heart.