i remember a conversation from when i was younger. i was asked what i looked for in someone. you see, i told them that i look for the qualities of a best friend. now that i look back on that conversation, i wonder why i wanted to fall in love with a best friend. because now that i have, i want it to go away.

they call it FALLING in love for a reason, don’t they?

for me at least, it’s a cruel experience to fall in love with my best friend. i’m sure a lot of people would relate to this since of course i’m not the only person who’s been in this situation. but i wonder.

i love his smile, and his laugh. i love the way his voice gets higher when he’s laughing through his sentence. i love how he constantly says his funny jokes even though it’s not an appropriate time to say them. i love that he’s so passionate about his hobbies. i love that he’s so respectful and kind towards others. i love everything about him. from every flaw that people hate to every single best quality he’s ever had. sure he’s made mistakes, but we all do. i don’t mind if his past is a little marked up, mine is as well. i don’t really care.

he is my best friend. my closest guy friend. he’s seen me at my best but also at my worst. i remember every little detail of his response to my confession. i remember the heartbreak. but i remember the relief i had when he said it wouldn’t mess up our friendship.

it hasn’t messed up our friendship yet, thank god. but it’s messed up me. my mind. my emotions. i love him. im in love with him to the point where i’m drowning in it. i’m drowning in the love that i have for him. and while i wish i could stop, my heart seems to believe that theres still a chance for me here.

you grew up so fast.

i wish you would change \ from this how-much-can-we-do \ how many people can we hurt \ how much damage can we do \ all with lighting the match \ for your flavored cigarettes \ man \ back into the boy who \ took things slow \ because he knew that he had time \ used a soft voice \ because when he talked \ people listened \ but instead \ i find a closed door \ what are you even afraid of anymore ? \ because you are treating your body like a cage \ beating again sinews \ and fighting against muscles \ acting as if \ this youth \ is an immortal thing \ but it is not \ and one day \ life is going to catch up \ and you will find yourself \ wondering where things went wrong \ what you did so bad \ to turn up \ in such a place \ as where you are