i miss you \ but i still go shopping \ i miss you \ but i still write \ and i miss you \ but i know that missing you \ shouldn’t consume me \ because together we lived beautifully \ and apart we carry that beauty \ inside of our chests \ and i can’t live \ without missing you \ because you are one of the most beautiful things \ that has ever happened to me \ you made me not have any birthday wishes \ and you \ are such a wonderous thing \ that i could spend hours \ just missing you \ but i don’t \ because you taught me that living \ isn’t thinking constantly \ but loving constantly \ and i can love you forever \ and still live
oh how sweet those little things are
oh how bubbly she is when she talks to you
oh how stupid is he to not talk to her anymore
oh how red her face turns from laughing
because of your jokes.
you, please never leave her like he did.
please take care of her warm and gentle soul
that she always says she never has
you don’t have to date her,
just be there for her.
they call me an old soul
i say i have a young heart
they ask me where it went
i tell them he took it apart.
she’s//all the//therapy//i’ve ever needed
at this age i find myself full of polluted ideas
and watered down philosphy from my favorite poets
but this is the contentment stage because before all of this
i found mysef at age thirteen listening to bands no one has ever heard of
typing the lyrics out and printing them on pristine paper which i folded neatly
tucking into the pocket of my now too small jeans.
before all of this i found myself at age fourteen sucking in breaths
because the world had seen fit to deprive me of oxyegn
and i found myself using all the right sources
to get all the wrong answers
as i tried to untangle what was happening to me.
but even before my anger was furnace
and before i learned not to trust boys with sharp smiles
i first learned that i was a girl
and by being a girl i was suddenly reduced to a low status
with my body no longer becoming my own with each stroke of a mascara wand
that i believed held the magic to make me beautiful.
and at this moment in time i understand
how our bodies can contain so much water
and how some of the prettiest things in the universe
can never orbit too close
and most importantly i know that out of all the events that have happened to me
all of the scars and dictionary words i know
my most treasured possession is the letter ‘i’
because that is what has stayed for the entirety of my life
when people changed and left me
i wish you would change \ from this how-much-can-we-do \ how many people can we hurt \ how much damage can we do \ all with lighting the match \ for your flavored cigarettes \ man \ back into the boy who \ took things slow \ because he knew that he had time \ used a soft voice \ because when he talked \ people listened \ but instead \ i find a closed door \ what are you even afraid of anymore ? \ because you are treating your body like a cage \ beating again sinews \ and fighting against muscles \ acting as if \ this youth \ is an immortal thing \ but it is not \ and one day \ life is going to catch up \ and you will find yourself \ wondering where things went wrong \ what you did so bad \ to turn up \ in such a place \ as where you are
i hurt people
before they hurt me
~ the most important thing you need to know about me